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Tag: Parent Education

Becoming a Montessori Parent

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog, Parent Education.

There are seven simple steps to becoming a Montessori parent. When we say simple we don’t mean that they are not challenging. It is a lot like the definition of bull riding. “The object is to keep the bull between you and the ground.” Simple – but challenging.

The first step to becoming a Montessori parent took place when you enrolled your child in a Montessori program. That in itself is a challenge. Most of us weren’t raised in a Montessori school. The whole concept is foreign and takes a bit of courage to step out of the norm and our comfort zone. We may have chosen the program because it wasn’t like our school experience (which is why we chose it.) Or we chose it because we saw something unique in a Montessori child we knew. Or we were just plain lucky and stumbled on to a Montessori school and were fascinated by what we saw. Even then we had to deal with the question, “If this is so great, how come the whole world isn’t lined up outside the door to enroll?” (Which is the same question Montessorians keep wondering about too!) But you made a complex and challenging decision to become a Montessori parent. And here you are. So how do you get the best out of your decision? You go to step two.

You begin to understand the core philosophy of what Montessori is all about. Fortunately, you don’t have to become a Montessori teacher to be a good Montessori parent. (You don’t have to know how to manipulate all of those materials and you don’t have to keep fifteen children from climbing the walls.) The most significant Montessori concept is to respect the child. I can almost hear the wheels turning “Of course I respect my child, I love them very much that’s why I have them in Montessori, I want the best for them.” Of course you love them – but respect is different. Respecting the child is first, to respect the nature of children. Children are not mini adults waiting to be molded. They are like tadpoles and caterpillars that have their own form and function of life waiting to become what they are intended to be. We are often impatient for them to become because we don’t realize that childhood – with its curiosity, playfulness, messiness and all – is part of the process of them transforming themselves into the adults they will become. We have to respect that process – which doesn’t mean they always get to do what they want. One of the operative words in Dr. Montessori’s writing is the word “train”. We do need to train our children but we need to train ourselves “not to destroy that which is good” in the nature of our children. The second part of respect is to respect the personality of your child. Your child is not a blank slate. They are already imbued with the unique characteristics of who they are. The artistic bent is already there. The math bent is already formed. The leader, the follower, the giver, the taker, the extrovert, the introvert are already dna’d into your child. Right or left handed, right or left brained are already formed. So how do you cooperate with nature? You become an observer.

That is the next step in becoming a Montessori parent – you train yourself to observe. What does your child gravitate to? What gives them great joy? What occupies them endlessly? These are all clues to who your child is becoming. You are fortunate that you have a trained helper in your child’s Montessori teacher. Your next parent conference should ask more than what has she done but who do you see her becoming. It is hard to cooperate with nature if you are not aware of the nature of your child.

Our third step is to become their champion. I know. I hear you say, “Of course, I’m their champion. I love them.” And so you do. But are their goals your goals? Translation: Do you have goals for them that do not take into account who they are. (There are many jock fathers who do not have jock sons.) Yes, you have many wonderful goals for them to be caring and loving, honest and faithful, upright, truthful, etc – and these are worthy, significant and meaningful goals which they should attain to. But the expression of their lives – career, vocation, work – is best met and fulfilled according to their gifts. When your five year old says, “I want to be a fireman.” He may be reflecting the latest book or television program he’s seen. However, if you continue to ask the why questions, “Why do you think that would be a good job? Why do you think that you would enjoy that?” you may discover that your child is not drawn just to the excitement but to the fact of wanting to help people or he likes the aspect of being part of a team. All are important clues to his personality. Your child needs you to champion and encourage his personality (especially, if it is different than yours.)

The fourth step is to practice what they learn at school – grace and courtesy. Please and thank you, may I, excuse me, please forgive me and a host of other considerations practiced (and modeled) at home will go a long way to giving your child every advantage in life. People respond favorably to a child with great manners.

Fifth, practice independence. Independence is the ability to be self-governing and that comes from making choices, living with the consequences and having responsibilities. As often as possible give your children choices. “What do you want for breakfast, cereal or eggs?” “Do you want two spoonfuls of carrots or one?” (Don’t offer choices where there are no choices. “Do you want carrots? They say no and you serve them anyway.) Give your children chores they can accomplish – making their beds, putting dirty clothes in the laundry, dishes in the dishwasher, etc. Chores build responsibility; responsibility builds independence; independence builds confidence.

Sixth, give them the gift of time. Give them time to accomplish their chores. Give them time to be children. Give them time to breathe. Give them your time.

Seventh, practice humility. They have a lot to learn from you. What is easy for you as an adult is mystifying and beyond challenging for them. Let your words be seasoned with grace. Look for the good in what they do. Their motives are often pure; their actions imperfect. Yet, we have a lot to learn from them also. And when you are wrong (when, not if) practice the humility of saying, “Please forgive me.” It will not destroy your authority or their respect for you. It will teach them one of the great lessons of life – when you fail, whether it’s in a relationship, school, career or life – own the failure and start over again – to succeed another day.

Becoming a Montessori parent is to become the best parent you can be.

-Edward Fidellow

Montessori and the Real Building of Self-Esteem

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog.

Montessori and the Real Building of Self-Esteem

Montessori education has been building self-esteem for over a hundred years long before it became a
popular buzzword and a psychological “distortion” of reality. All the trappings of the modern self-
esteem movement – participation trophies, not letting children fail, everyone’s outcome is equal – have
no place in Montessori or the reality of the world.

Practical life in Montessori is the foundation of all this reality that is to come. Every practical life exercise
has a beginning, a process and an ending – just like successful life. But there is something in this process
that is so simple yet dynamic – the child builds and feels a sense of power, control, and accomplishment.
It is these early experiences, these early real successes that become the foundation for all the success
that is to come. This self-esteem is internalized and does not come from outside, from what people tell
you but it wells up from within. It comes with the beginning of concentration and self-control (which is
the biggest challenge of life – and a great giver of self-esteem.)

True self-esteem is an approval that comes from within. It is not about pleasing people or being
validated from outside. That is why grades, awards, punishments are not motivating factors in a
Montessori environment. Ironically, self-esteem built in Montessori is not self-centered. The lack of
outward competition (for grades and prizes) creates an attitude of family and community where we help
each other to succeed which also affects how we feel about ourselves.

The real self-esteem of Montessori comes from the continuing sense of accomplishment and of mastery
as the student faces greater challenges and complexity in life. Since making mistakes is part of the
Montessori learning process making mistakes does not undermine a child’s sense of self-esteem nor
does the child crater when faced with “failure”. Montessori children learn to pick up the pieces and get
back in the game. The game of life does not have four quarters, nine innings, eighteen holes or two
halves. It is a continually evolving game as you learn new strategies, techniques, gain new information,
practice new skills and begin to recognize the patterns of life that lead to success. Montessori children
learn first-hand that actions have consequences, that success is spelled w-o- r-k, and that some of the
biggest rewards of life are just personal and do not require anyone else’s acknowledgment or
affirmation. And that doing the right thing for the right reason is an amazing accomplishment all its own
– an amazing adult lesson learned very young.
Self-esteem is “practiced” every day in a Montessori environment. Try – and try again until you reach
your goal. Montessori children don’t wait for an adult’s approval because they learn early that it is their
effort that achieves success. And every goal that they achieve – on their own – builds that unique
amazing sense of accomplishment and self-esteem.

Edward Fidellow

Offering Encouragement not Empty Praise

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog, Parent Education.

Create an environment where your child feels encouraged to become aware of his own actions

Parents sometimes use far too much praise in a well-intentioned attempt to build their child’s self-esteem: ‘You’re an awesome climber, you’re a great artist, you’re great at sitting quietly.’ However, often these remarks are not really sincere and they teach children to depend on praise for motivation to do something. When we praise children for doing something like eating their vegetables or putting on their shoes what we are really saying is that they did what we wanted them to do. Even young children can recognise when our remarks are not sincere and they are being manipulated.

Research shows that the present culture of over-praising children leads them to feel that they have a right to things in life irrespective of the amount of effort they have put in. Overpraising our children confuses them about their own self-worth since they are not able to judge for themselves how good they are at something if we always tell them they are doing well. This is not to say that you should not encourage your child. Your child will thrive on positive statements just as we do when our effort is appreciated by work colleagues or family members.

If we are to think about the way we encourage children we need to do some work on training ourselves in a new approach so we don’t fall back on the kind of praise that we hear all around us these days.

​Connect your child to the possibility of starting to become aware of the impact of his own actions
  • Focus on the action or the effort, not the person- Instead of saying ‘you’re such a good helper’ say ‘thank you for setting the table’. Instead of saying ‘you’re such a good chopper’ say ‘thank you for cutting the carrots for dinner’.
  • Nurture Empathy- Instead of saying, ‘I like the way you comforted Anna’, call her attention to the effect of her action on the other person: ‘Look Anna stopped crying when you brought her a tissue and hugged her. She must feel better now’. This is completely different from praise, where the emphasis is on how you feel.
  • Quietly observe- Your child does not expect praise. You may be surprised to see that your child works and plays with more persistence when you say nothing.
  • Express gratitude- When you are in a rush, instead of saying, ‘You are going to make us late with your dawdling. Hurry and put on your coat’, say, ‘You are helping us get to the dentist on time because you are putting on your own coat’.
  • Observe rather than evaluate- When your toddler is building with blocks, instead of saying, ‘Your blocks are all over the floor’, say, ‘You are using all the blocks.’ An observation may build interest and reflection, but a judgement can be discouraging.
  • Allow room for self-evaluation- Instead of saying, ‘I love your painting.’ say ‘You filled the left side of the paper.’ This focuses your child’s attention on the painting and not your opinion of it. Instead of ‘What a great horse.’ [which may not be very sincere] say ‘You painted a red horse.’ This focuses your child’s attention on evaluating the painting for himself rather than on your evaluation of the painting.
  • Accept that rewards are not necessary- An activity that your young child is engaged in is rewarding in itself. When your child is learning how to peel a banana the joy is in the skin coming off in clean strips and revealing the banana and the joy of eating the banana. When she fills the dog’s bowl and sees him come running with his tail wagging, that is her reward. Research has shown that rather than motivate children rewards can have the opposite effect. Rewards erode your child’s inner motivation. Even small children can work out that if they have to be rewarded for doing something that something might not be something nice to do!
  • Accept that punishment doesn’t work- Punishment tells the child what not to do, not what to do, and it often makes a small problem bigger. Your young child may remember the punishment but may not connect the punishment to the behaviour that triggered it. A child who has been punished can feel powerless, humiliated, defiant, and resentful. Research demonstrates that punishment has the short-term effect of stopping the offending activity but has no long-term effect on behaviour. When children are punished, the adult solves the problem in the short term and the child doesn’t learn how to solve problems in the long term. ‘Time out’ is commonly used to control children’s behaviour these days. In ‘time out’ children are typically confined to a chair, room or space for a set period of time to gain control of themselves and think about their behaviour. The problem with this approach is that if the child was capable of thinking about his behaviour he probably would not have done it in the first place. But more importantly, ‘time out’ does not provide any help for the child to start controlling his behaviour from within.
Make time for your child’s awareness to emerge

It takes time for your child to start to become conscious of how her actions affect others. Your child is at the beginning of a journey of self-realisation that will last for life. But when you are patient and keep using an approach that helps her to become aware of her behaviour rather than overpraising, judging or criticising her she will gradually become aware of the reality of her own behaviour and start to take control for herself.

https://aidtolife.org/

Your Daily Dose of Resilience-Building by Melissa DeVries, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Parent Education.

Raising children in the twenty-first century is a most rewarding challenge. In modern society we have increased access to mass media and greater sprawl within families. Youth are increasingly influenced by sources of information beyond parental control. Thus, our task as parents is to figure out how to balance sheltering our children while still preparing them for the future.

Research has identified many key elements that predict better quality of life in adulthood; academic achievement, absence of medical and mental health problems, financial stability, and rewarding social connections with others. Yet most of us at one point or another face situations that create vulnerabilities in these areas. So this begs the question, how do we bounce back? And more importantly, how do we teach our children to demonstrate the same perseverance when faced with stressors?

Everyday I work with families who are striving to bolster the skills and abilities of their children. They seek to help them to adapt to current stressors and challenges, and to acquire characteristics likely to help them lead a successful life in the future. My method of teaching is based on building resilience.

Drs. Goldstein and Brooks, authors of Raising Resilient Children (2002) stated, “Resilient children can cope effectively with stress, pressure, and everyday challenges. They appear capable of bouncing back from disappointments, adversity or trauma. They learn to develop and set realistic goals for themselves and those in their lives. They are capable of solving problems and interacting comfortably with others. They possess self-discipline and a sense of self-respect and dignity.” Temperamental differences can play a role in how resilient children are, but this mindset can also be taught in everyday interactions.

One of the most inspiring lessons I have learned through teaching others is that there are so many consistencies between the guideposts of Resilient Parenting and the tenets of the Montessori Method. Let’s examine a few:

First, resilience-minded parents teach their children to solve problems and make decisions. This allows children to have a sense that they can control what happens to them. This mentality fosters independence and a sense of responsibility. The Montessori classroom allows children to develop self-reliance by making choices and dealing with the consequences of their choices. Children develop awareness and trust in their decision-making through the feedback loops of choices and consequences.

Second, resilience-minded parents discipline in ways that promote self-discipline and self-worth. This helps children to appreciate mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than indications of failure, furthering the child’s emerging sense of ownership and responsibility. Positive feedback, encouragement, natural and logical consequences are all powerful teaching tools. The Montessori classroom also encourages children to learn from mistakes and successes by allowing for independent decision-making. Children make choices and experiment within a well-prepared environment that promotes creativity, confidence, and a sense of purpose. It is appreciated that children need time and practice to master new skills and that unnecessary help actually hinders development. Montessori truly embraces the “help me help myself” attitude.

Numerous other similarities can be drawn out between the Montessori Method and resilient parenting practices such that I consider Montessori a model of resilient education, with well-trained teachers to serve as additional charismatic, influential adults in our children’s lives during the school day. As parents, we are in a unique position to extend these teachings. Parents can adopt a mindset of resilient parenting “to foster strength, hope and optimism in our children” everyday.

Melissa DeVries, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist

Talking To Your Kids About Earthquakes by Christina Economy

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog.


Waking up Wednesday morning to loud noises and shaking was a reminder that earthquakes do still happen here in Salt Lake City. As a California native living in Salt Lake City, I will tell you now; yes, earthquakes still scare me. Growing up, I remember my mom retelling a story about a 5.9M earthquake that rolled my crib from side to side as she tried to pick me up and move us to safety. At 7 years old I remember the 6.7M Northridge earthquake that rattled communities, caused fatalities, and created severe road damage.Discussing Earthquakes and drills is something that should be kept age-appropriate and factual. Like anything that can be scary or cause anxiety, knowledge can be the power to help combat that fear. Personally, knowing I was prepared on how to react during and after an earthquake is what helps make earthquakes a less scary event. Preparing your home with food and water is important but above all, it is important to empower yourself with knowledge on what to do during and after an earthquake. The USGS website offers great information and I hope it is useful.

What to do DURING an earthquake

What do do AFTER an earthquake

-Christina Economy
FMSL Magnolias Dual Language Teacher

Flu Prevention and Safety

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog.

It has been an especially bad year for respiratory infections, especially influenza, and many of our students have been ill. We are working hard here at school to encourage healthy practices and a clean environment, but we need help from families as well. There are a few things families can do to help prevent spread of these viruses.

Flu signs and symptoms usually come on suddenly.  We thank you for keeping your child home if they experience any flu-like symptoms. Students are not permitted to return to school unless they are symptom-free for 24 hours.  In some cases, parents may be asked to provide a doctor’s note before their child will be permitted to return to school. Students experiencing flu-like symptoms will be sent home from school immediately.

STAY HOME IF SICK
Please have your child stay home if they are ill. These signs and symptoms include:

 fever over 100˚F (38˚C)  For many adults and teens, a sudden high fever is the earliest symptom of the infection.

 muscle aches

 fatigue

 loss of appetite

 chills

 vomiting

 headache

 stuffy nose

 Remain home until at least 24 hours after the fever or fever symptoms (chills, feeling very warm, flushed appearance, or sweating) resolve without fever reducing medicine such as Tylenol or Motrin.

 You and your child can shed influenza for up to 5-7 days, so an extra day or two home is also encouraged if you are known to have influenza.

 Children who have been vaccinated for influenza do not generally develop symptoms as severe as others, so may only have low grade fever or mild cough and it could still be influenza.

 Although most people will recover fully without complications, antiviral treatment may be helpful if given in the first 48 hours of illness. This can prevent serious complications and shorten duration of illness. Contact your healthcare provider to discuss this if you or your child are sick.

WAYS TO PREVENT INFLUENZA
Help us with health habits to prevent spread of illness:

 We encourage everyone to get a yearly influenza vaccine. It is not too late if you have not received one. Even if you get the flu, your symptoms will be less severe and shorter in duration thus helping the spread of influenza.

 Even if you get influenza, you should still receive vaccine as there are several strains circulating.

 Students and staff should cover coughs and sneezes with a tissue or their bent arm.

 Put the used tissue in a trash can and wash their hands right away.

 Students should avoid touching their eyes, nose or mouth.

 We will provide supplies that are easily accessible for everyone.

 Luckily influenza does not live on surfaces more than 24-48 hours, but enhanced cleaning measures in classrooms are being implemented. Influenza will respond to any general cleaning method at home as well. Soap and water or products such as Lysol are effective.

SOME KIDS ARE AT ESPECIALLY HIGH RISK FOR INFLUENZA
These children may need antiviral prophylaxis if they have a known influenza exposure. If your child falls in one of these categories, please contact their healthcare provider if there has been an exposure in the classroom.

 Children younger than 6 months old

 Children aged 6 months up to their 5th birthday (especially those less than 2)

 American Indian and Alaskan Native children

 Pregnant women are at very high risk for complications. Please contact your Obstetrician if you or a family member/close contact are ill.

 Children aged 6 months old through 18 years old with chronic health problems including asthma.

 Children who are taking aspirin or salicylate-containing medicines.

 Extreme obesity, which has been associated with severe flu illness in some studies of adults, may also be a risk factor for children. Childhood obesity is defined as a body mass index (BMI) at or above the 95th percentile, for age and sex.

Here is a link to the parent information from the CDC website:
The Flu: A Guide for Parents

Thank you for reading this guidance and helping us keep our school healthy! Let us know if there are questions.

Revised Immunization Policy Announcement

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog.

Dear FMSL Community,

We have spent the past several months gathering information on how adjustments to our policy would impact our school community from both practical and legal perspectives. The details of our new policy are outlined here and the new policy will be written and added to our Parent and Staff Handbooks for implementation with 2020-2021 Enrollment.

Our new policy will require current immunization records to be in each student’s file before they begin school. The policy will require that all students in the Toddler program and those in their first and second year of Early Childhood be fully immunized unless their parents have obtained a medical exemption. The policy will accept medical, personal and religious exemptions for elementary aged students, including kindergarten through sixth grade. We have adopted a commitment to herd immunity wherein the total number of our student body will be considered when accepting exemptions of any nature. Lastly, when a child with a personal, religious or medical exemption is enrolled in a classroom we will disclose such to parents of students in the same class without releasing identifying information about the student or their family.

A major consideration in this new policy takes into account our most vulnerable student population; the safety of our youngest students. Another important facet in determining our new policy was our grant with Utah Online Schools. UOS informed us, initially and on several occasions, that we were obliged to follow Utah’s immunization requirements for elementary aged students. This grant supplies our school with Chrome books and Rosetta Stone elementary student accounts. This is a resource we had planned to continue for as long as it is available to us. Update: We have since been informed that we are not required to follow the state’s policy to be eligible for this grant. Further research is being done to learn more about grants we hope to be eligible for in the future. 

Adjustments will be made to our admissions procedure to ensure families making enquiries for enrollment will be notified of this policy before they apply for attendance.  Please note that this policy will apply to all future applicants and those with current personal exemptions will not be affected by this policy.

In addition, we thank those who have volunteered to support one of our parent committees.  We will be contacting people from those committee in January with more information about how we intend to move forward.

We thank all who have been involved and have given time and resources to this process.  We are grateful for your engagement and support.

If you have questions or queries regarding our policy change, we are happy to meet with you in person. Please contact britneypeterson@mcsslc.com or brandiallen@mcsslc.com.

Supporting Effective Communication with Children – Parenting Connection

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog.

My greatest hope for my children is that they will experience healthy, rewarding relationships.  Sometimes that feels like a tall order when I can’t even manage to carry what feels like a meaningful conversation with my pre-teen and teenage sons.  I’ve learned that asking the right questions is the ticket to successful conversations. “How are you?” and “How was your day?” are sure to illicit one word answers. This article from Positive Parenting Connection shares a list of questions that will help get your kids talking!  Happy Conversing!

Are You a Good Listener – Parenting Connection

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog.

Are you a fixer? Critical thinking requires time to analyze and process information. Sometimes the best way for kids to solve problems is to talk and in order to do that successfully, they need someone to listen. Be that person. This funny video is sure to drive home my point; listening can be hard but it can (and will) be worthwhile. This article from The Center for Parenting Education is a great read for parents working to improve their active listening skills.

A Letter from the Director

Written by Foothill Montessori on . Posted in Blog.

Dear FMSL Parents,

It has been a year of learning and growth as our administrative team have adjusted to new roles and responsibilities. Although many of us have taken on new responsibilities this year, we have been fortunate to make this transition as a committed and familiar team who have worked closely with one another for a number of years.  Robyn has provided a great deal of guidance and even more trust while sharing her vision with our students, staff and parents.  Our staff have continued to provide a quality education, with a deep commitment to the Montessori philosophy and a spirit of community, to ensure a year filled with the kind of success you have come to expect from our school.  We are indeed grateful (and lucky!) to have such a wonderful staff who are committed and trustworthy.

Over the past several years we have been working towards our IMC Accreditation and have worked as a staff to develop clear processes and procedures to the benefit of our school community.  With thanks to our well defined processes and the guidance of IMC, we have not only maintained a quality program, but we continue to grow each year.  We have had a record number of applicants to our program for the 2019-2020 year.  Thank you for telling your friends about us and for helping us create a community where are all welcomed and where our emphasis on the individual growth of each person can be a reality.

I find that one of the most thrilling parts of my work is to meet with each applicant family during our interview process. The passion and engagement among our parent population is inspiring and holds us accountable. I am continually amazed at the devotion our families have to not only their children as individuals but to an education that allows their children the opportunity to grow into their best selves.  A willingness to stoke the fires of passion for learning, a commitment to allowing and inspiring curiosity, and a respect for the child as an important human with important work to do are common themes among our parents.  Collectively, this makes our job as Montessori educators so much easier.  I thank you for entrusting us with your most precious little souls.  We are honored to work with them and realize the great responsibility we hold.

In addition to being held accountable by meeting with each family individually, we have outlined and implemented a very detailed Performance Review process.  Each of our staff have the opportunity and responsibility to regularly check in with our working peers, our supervisors, and to do a self-evaluation.  We are committed to and find great value in the process of self-inventory and peer evaluation.  And, as always, we are open to and appreciative of your feedback.  We thank you in advance for filling out your end of year surveys, your exit surveys, and for providing your other experiences via email or face to face time with our staff.

As educators, it is considered “normal” to look back on the year with regret for the things we didn’t have time to teach and the things we wish we had done better. While I believe there is value in our continual commitment to growth and I celebrate our staff for their willingness to self-reflect, I want to take a moment to celebrate all that we have accomplished and all that our students have accomplished this year. I feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by a community with such commitment to making a better world.  I will be around this summer and appreciate any and all opportunities to touch base with you.  Please feel free to check in via email or face to face and, in the meantime, best wishes for a rejuvenating and fun-filled summer!

Sincerely,
Britney