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Tag: Private School Now Enrolling

How can failure be a gift?

Written by Montessori Admin on . Posted in Blog.

When I started teaching 20 years ago, childhood was altogether a different experience.  Raising children looked different than it does now and, since I’m now in the midst of raising my own three children, I believe this more than ever before.  The single most important thing I think we may be missing with this generation of parenting is the realization that growth comes from failure!  Scary concept, right?  But honestly, when everything goes according to plan, there are no hiccups in the way, or any process is simple, precise and easy we learn very different lessons than when we have to struggle and stretch.  I think it would be fair to say that your own failures (or struggles, at the very least) provided clear opportunities for learning and growth. I recently watched a really wonderful TedTalk called “The power of believing that you can improve” by Carol Dweck in which she uses the word “yet” with great meaning and power.  (Watch here.)

Believe it or not, when our kids become afraid of failure, they become disinterested in learning.  Life gets scary. Autonomy and the ability to bounce back helps kids feel confident and connected.

What happens if we tell our kids they are the best (at anything!) and they discover that they are not (at some things)? The feeling of failure, of letting us down, of believing they are less than they really are is just the kind of feeling that keeps them from trying again and from experiencing new things.  The realization that they still have space to grow, on the other hand, and the belief that they are surrounded by loving people who will give them space for that to happen? POWERFUL! Our generation of children are learning that there is a lot of immediate gratification in the world.  But let’s be real, parents – life includes a lot of waiting, trying again, picking ourselves up off the ground, and re-thinking how things “should” be.

How do we really step back and let our kiddos stretch?  It’s hard, right?  And honestly…it can be totally inconvenient.  Not only is childhood different but so is adulthood.  If I count the number of hours I really get to spend with my own children in a week, it seems far less than ideal.  We are a busy family.  Life is beautiful and lots of fun, but it is REALLY BUSY! So how can I adapt my “helicopter parenting” approach (which is in some ways for my own convenience) to one that gives my kids the best chance at being resilient?

  • Praise wisely: Point out the effort, the process and the strategies that your child used whether they succeed or fail at something.  Outcomes are typically less than we imagined and so the process is an important one to celebrate, think about and understand!
  • Plan ahead: Ask questions to get your kiddo thinking about outcomes without giving up the best answers.  The more we tell them the answers, the more children lack the opportunity to think of them themselves.  And believe it or not, some day they WILL have to make decisions without you. The small ones they are making now, under our care, are the safe ones to practice on.
  • Step back: As much as you want to step in and tell them “I already tried that, it didn’t work” or “But what if..” DON’T DO IT. Little failures are great opportunities to learn.  And, when we are there rooting for them despite their failures not only do they learn to try differently, but they learn that we are there no matter what. (How comforting.) The other beautiful thing about stepping back is that when they do step in at the face of real danger (I’m talking serious circumstances here) and we step in, they’ll know they face real danger.
  • Listen: Guess what?  Our job as parents is not to be problem solvers.  I know, weird right? I have a hard time with this one too. But really, sometimes children just need someone to listen.  They are people and, like us, can oftentimes talk themselves into the best answers.

What I’m presenting here is not an easy feat.  There is no expectation for any of us to get it right every time.  As a matter of fact, the same concepts apply to parenting…we will make mistakes.  And we will learn from them.  And when we are better next time, our kids will learn that being better is the most important part.  I have never apologized more to anyone on this earth than I have to my oldest son. And I believe that my humility and admittance of my failures goes a long way in teaching him that humaning is a process….er, at least I hope it does! If nothing else, he has seen me mess up and get back on that horse!  I will not give up and he knows that.

In her book The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey talks about autonomy supportive parenting. Clear expectations and clear consequences make people feel safe.  From traffic laws to moral obligation, this is true on every front. I can’t tell you enough how lovely a concept this is!

The Gift of Adult Learning

Written by Montessori Admin on . Posted in Blog.

Today I was graced with the most lovely opportunity to observe a teacher intern in one of our classrooms.  MCS has the ongoing opportunity to support and host adult interns seeking Montessori certification at all levels.  The process of a teacher receiving Montessori training is as well developed a system as the Montessori method itself.  Following an intense period of study of Montessori theory, history, methodology, didactic training and classroom management, an intern spends 1-2 years engaged in a teaching practicum (internship).  During this initial experience as a teacher, with a wealth of newfound understanding and insight to the child and its environment, the teacher goes through the magical process of implementation under the direction of a master teacher.

Maria Montessori said “The teacher, when she begins to work in our schools, must have a kind of faith that the child will reveal himself through the work. She must free herself from all preconceived ideas concerning the levels at which the children may be.” 

The process of having absolute faith in our little ones to develop in their own time, in their own way, and to their most authentic selves takes absolute faith.  We let go of our own egos to allow for the child’s great awakening. I will never forget my own hours of study…learning precisely how each material is to be presented, memorizing the sequence and curriculum, identifying sensitive periods in the children, writing lesson plans only to be erased and re-written, and discovering the meaning behind “preparation of the environment”.  Those hours paled in comparison to the spiritual awakening and rebirth of self that I am honored to experience on a daily basis at MCS.

And so today I applaud all those who have themselves engaged in this transformation process.  Hosting interns means that MCS is a place for adult learning, teacher collaboration and exposure to ongoing research. Additional kudos to those master teachers who commit themselves to the process of guiding these new interns; an ongoing process of renewal and one of the beautiful experiences that brings MCS together as community.

Private School Now Enrolling

Written by Montessori Admin on . Posted in Blog, Parent Education.

“The education of our day is rich in methods, aims and social ends,
but one must still say that it takes no account of life itself.”
                                                                                        —Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind

I started my adult life as a teacher and I think I eventually grew in to a very good one.  So, you can imagine my bewilderment when each of my three children were “slow to read.”  (Confession – I actually don’t believe in “slow” or “quick” when it comes to the learning process…but I forgot about that when it was my kids!) I did all the right things.  We read books together from the time they were infants, they saw me reading for enjoyment, and they each attended very well prepared Montessori classrooms from the time they were 2 (or less) years old.  Like any other parent, I grew frustrated and worried.Fast forward a few years and my youngest son just recently hit his “explosion” in to reading and let me tell you, it was glorious.  It was no less glorious for him than it was for his peers who had this same explosion at 3 and 4 years old.  His world is equally bright.  And then there’s me over here remembering how brilliant these little beings are when we give them the space to grow at their own pace. Children will learn every single thing we think they need to learn AND SO MUCH MORE.  They are developing every skill they need in just the right time.  As for the skills they aren’t developing (that perhaps you’re wishing would come a little faster) – they are learning equally important ways to manage without and building an entire skill set that they can access throughout their entire lives.Believe it or not, the most important job a parent has is to have faith and trust in our little people. I am absolutely convinced that they will do far more to teach us than we will them!

I hope this article is inspirational in reminding you, as it did me, to enjoy your opportunity to sit back and enjoy the show as these lovely little beings climb mountains to reach their highest potential. Rest easy knowing that everything is unfolding just as it should.

For Parents Who Worry (Isn’t That All of Us?) by Jane M. Jacobs, M.A., Montessori Educational Consultant at Montessori Services.

By now your children are settled in their classrooms and are being cared for and educated by your extended “village.” Perhaps you’re still concerned about whether your child is adjusting well and learning enough. Like all parents, you want your children to be happy and learn the skills they need for success.

As Montessori suggests in the above quote, young children naturally grow and learn from their surroundings without being directly taught.

No Need to Be Anxious

It’s hard not to be anxious, especially with your first child. You learned to do all the right things as your child grew from infancy to childhood. Now your child is more capable and independent.

Because of their absorbent minds, preschoolers do not need direct teaching in order to learn. This is the period of children’s self-construction, learning from the environment in which they live.

Try not to worry about what the latest expert or neighbor says. Take time to just be with your child. Adapt your home so your toddler can explore safely. Observe his new independence and sense of self. Remember to relax and have fun, too.

Did you know that children learn best when exploring the world with hands-on activities? Research shows that children who are prematurely pushed into academic drills become less creative and enthusiastic learners, and do not retain information any better than those who learn facts later. Instead, a focus on play is key at this age, helping children to develop social and emotional skills that are important for long-term success.

Everyone Compares

It’s easy to look at your friend’s child and compare. However, it’s important to remember, we are not all alike! No two children are on the same timetable, even if they are the same age. Keep your expectations in line with your child’s abilities. Change is constant with a growing child.

Beware of the accelerated-learning industry. Baby DVD’s or reading programs have proven worthless and sometimes detrimental to development. It’s actually more productive to let your child scoot around the floor, play with pots and pans, or sing silly songs with you. Reading and talking to your child, and helping him learn to care for himself are better options. Your job is to expose him to the world without any pressure.

Basic Child Development

Of course, all of our children are intelligent! Notice how easily they learn to sing the ABC song or count to 20, even if the real understanding of what letters or numbers actually mean comes much later. Remember, these little imitators continually absorb our habits and language. Before the age of three, learning is unconscious. As children’s brains and bodies develop, they spontaneously work to perfect their movements.

Your neighborhood is filled with learning opportunities: backyards, nature, friends, games, playgrounds, libraries, and more. The whole world is there for a young child to experience. This is taking “account of life itself.”

Stay in the Present

Notice how the phrases roll off your tongue: “She needs to have all A’s if she’s going to get into a good college,” or, “That will look really good on his resume.” Extra-curricular activities can easily become obligations rather than enjoyable opportunities. In this competitive era, it’s easy to overlook your children’s natural abilities and desires, and instead place them in something that may not be a good fit.

Trust your child to find his own path in his own way. Can we respect our child enough to see where his real interests are and then help him get the experience he wants right now, letting go of our anxieties about the future?

Respecting Your Child

Your child has natural likes and dislikes. If she shows an interest in something, give her room to pursue it on her own. For example, a friend’s daughter saw a snake in her yard and became fascinated. Her parents patiently waited to see if the interest persisted. When it did, they got their daughter a book about snakes and took her to the science museum to see live ones. As a teenager, the girl had several pet snakes that she bought and cared for on her own.

As parents, we are often ready to pounce on any little thing our child does and latch onto it (though typically not with snakes). If he likes music, we hurry to buy musical instruments, get him piano lessons, compliment his singing, and brag about his musicality. Instead, we recommend slowing down and simply enjoying music together, whether by going to a concert, singing, dancing, or clapping out rhythms. If the interest lasts, you can offer your child more opportunities for practice in the future.

At birth, children are equipped with everything they need to survive and be successful in this world. As adults, we must respect their innate capabilities so we can enjoy their amazing absorbent minds. Children will learn and grow without our pushing. In fact, not much more is needed from us than basic food and shelter, along with our respectful attention and unconditional love while we are just living life itself.

“If you observe children doing purposeful activity independently and with concentration, let them be. Observe, and know that they are headed in the right direction, even though the work might not be what you would choose for them to do.”
—Maren Schmidt, M.Ed., Building Cathedrals, Not Walls

—by Jane M. Jacobs, M.A., Montessori Educational Consultant at Montessori Services. She is a trained primary Montessori directress and also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has taught children aged 2 to 7 years in Montessori schools, Headstart, and also in a preschool for children with developmental challenges. In her counseling practice, she helps individuals, couples, and families.

Preparing Our Kids for Jobs That Don’t Exist Yet

Written by Montessori Admin on . Posted in Blog, Parent Education.

Childhood passions that seem like fads, sometimes even totally unproductive, could be mediums for experiencing the virtuous cycle of curiosity: discovering, trying, failing and growing.

A Montessori education is designed to provide a love of learning and to give children the means to find the information they need.  We hope to instill a passion for knowledge and the confidence to seek understanding. We provide avenues for curiosity about this big, beautiful world and all it takes to make it tick.  Our objective is to give children the tools they need to follow any dream they may have.  The reality is, they probably won’t choose a career and spend an entire lifetime at it….thats just not how the world is turning anymore.

This really fun article shows one perspective on preparing our kids for what (might be) to come!